Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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