so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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