we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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