Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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