Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize