This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize
