I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
