I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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