well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's the barista slut.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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