oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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