My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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