haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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