You can't special order awesome
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
