Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
