so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize