Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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