i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
