that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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