I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
