i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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