i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
