Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
