using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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