I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
