Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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