My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize