$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
