So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
