I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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