Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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