So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
