What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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