...so i touched it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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