Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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