addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I smell stomach acid.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
