id be glad to
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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