hotel room ftw
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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