isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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