Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
