it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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