she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
