Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
