Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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