Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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