You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she peed on how many people?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
