Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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