Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
