Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
