I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
