My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
