I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize