Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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