i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it was like eating out sand paper
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I forget how to act sober
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
