Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
