Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
