just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
