so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize