Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
