is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
