Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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