Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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