Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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