Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize