Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
