i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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