I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
