I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
