he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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