My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Randomize
