Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
