he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
